meのつもり

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Happy Birthday, Heterosexual Life Partner!

Do you have a Heterosexual Life Partner? I'm sure you do.. I couldn't imagine life without mine. You know who they are are if you have them. Not just a drinking partner, but a hangover cure. The person who understands your sense of humour when all others have given up and hit you with a large plank of wood. The person who deals with you best when you're stressed - often by doing impressions of your "Rage Face" at you till you can't help laughing. The person who knows all your faults and loves you anyway. You meet them and just know you're going to be friends with them your whole life. In a completely heterosexual way, of course.

The best thing about an HLP is their complete and brutal honesty. Want to know if your ass looks fat in those jeans? Look for your HLP..they're the ones quickly knocking up a sign saying "Wide Load Passing". Want to know if your new boy/girlfriend makes the grade? See how long it is before your HLP sets fire to their hair.

An average conversation with my HLP runs something like this..

Me "I had a pretty weird night last night."
HLP "Really? I thought you were with me all night.."
Me "Yeah..but when you were talking to Donut (sexy female friend of ours) I had a really strange thing happen.."
HLP "You realised you were gay and burning with jealousy becaue she was talking to me and not you?"
Me "Yes, that's exactly it. Does that bother you?"
HLP "No, you homo."

or

Me to HLP, or HLP to me on any random day

"Damn, your life sucks. I'd hate to be you."

And on such nuggets of anger and cynicism are the best friendships born. When she leaves Japan, I will be lost. :(

And I'll finish with my boyfriend and his HLP's conversation.

Boyf "Me and Theodore, we love each other"
Boys HLP, Theo "Yeah, he's the best. I love him. But not in a gay way, ok? Never even seen his penis. He might not even have one. But if he did, it would be the best penis in the world!"

awwwwww!

and, equally, ewww.

Happy Birthday Sara! Love you to bits!!

(no touching)

2 Comments:

  • Haha... well I don't know if it works for you too. But my HLP's nickname is also Brokeback. Coincidence? I think not...

    By Blogger Ghetto FOBulous, at 4:51 AM  

  • ur my sista from another mother! love you u big gay!xx

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:14 PM  

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