Sunday, August 27, 2006

The number one cause of your being stupid is your stupid mouth

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Me and my big, hard, throbbing..mouth?

My mouth gets me into a lot of trouble. Really, it's nothing to do with me. It's a whole independent operation. But whatever I say, surely it can't deserve the punishment I received tomight. Well, maybe a little, but I still take no responsibilty.

My (platonic, male) friend was coming to visit for the weekend. We were mailing each other, arranging when he was arriving, how much we were going to embarrass ourselves in public, and where he was going to stay. Being the nice, loving, big hearted friend that I am (stop snickering in the back) I said I'd let him crash on the floor, as long as he promised not to sneak a feel in the night. I also assured him I'd keep my hands to myself.


He seemed to get a little carried away with this. Weird.

*insert Wayne's World style wobbly screen, flashback* Just the other day I thought it would be a great idea to send what could be vaguely described as gravia shots of my rack to the boyf. His reaction? "Were you drunk?" fell slightly short of the "Sexy rack!" I was expecting.*end flashback*

Obviously, rather than emailing him my nudity, I should have just written "never touch me, ever, and I don't wanna touch you either, urg, gay!"

Why? Well, remember above mentioned, carried-away-by-me-saying-I'd-keep-my hands-to-myself platonic friend? Next thing I know, he's mailed me to tell me parts of him are getting big, and he's gonna have to deal with it. Now, knowing his sense of humour is as twisted as mine, I just took it that he was joking and told him to go to bed. Then, he calls, and without even bothering to buy me dinner or complement the rack, comes.

I've been doing dating all wrong it seems.
Sexy pictures=no reaction
Telling guys the thought of touching them makes you phsyically ill=literally exploding with excitement.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Just because you pick people up in a cheap Italian restaurant, doesn't mean you can't be friends for life.

I have problems with meeting people. Is it lack of opportunity, or lack of inclination?
I can't help feeling that even if my social circle expanded rapidly, like, for example, the funnest people in the world came and partied in my house and demanded my friendship, I'd be the geek locked in the toilet eating all the pickles.

"Friends" I love. "Acquaintances" I could do without. I mean, look how difficult that word is to spell. That's got to tell you something. The kind of people who only call you when they want something. Like, "I need my hair cut but I'm all alone in a foreign country and I can't be arsed to speak the language. We've only met once, but will you waste 4 hours of your life coming with me?" "Sure! If you can tell me why I don't eat cucumbers, or 3 reasons why I love Harrison Ford but we can never marry.."

Or the kind of people who email you after a long seperation to bitch about your choice of (ex) boyfriend and then set out a list of demands, completely lacking in the essential "please" or "thank you" or even a "do this for me and I'll retract the above comment about your (ex) boyfriend. Trust me, I've met your ex('s) and you have waay more to be worried about. And no, I bloody won't.

On the other hand, people who you randomly meet in a cheap restaurant because you're intrigued by their goofy smile and who despite not knowing you give you an amazing day out (no touching) are the kind of people you need in your life.

That, and HLPs.
And people who love you for all the things you can't change.
People who think you're more fun than High School Baseball.
And people who make you want to make them smile forever.